Silly women think they can use the priesthood WITHOUT a penis!
All-Natural and theoretically quantum free.
Pee Wee’s Dinosaurs turned into a Creation Museum? This could get interesting…
Watch out! Meandering vaginas and penis thieves ahead!
We did an episode on the Prosperity Gospel a while back and I came across this video which does an awesome example of pointing out how bizarre this belief is for modern Christians
The Archangel tells us what his cats have taught him about life, and also a bunch of sloppy ethics discussions.
Behold, spake Jesus unto them, and I will show unto you the mysteries of Heaven. And Jesus showed unto them a hat. Now behold this hat, for it is empty and there is nothing to be had in it. And the disciples saw that it was so. And yea, also behold my sleeves, that there is nothing contained within and they saw that it was so. I shall now reveal the power of He that sent me, and when Jesus spake these words, the crowd looked and saw that within the hat was now contained a white rabbit, and they were sore amazed for the knew the hat had been empty.
The Kingdom of Heaven is like unto the eggs of this rabbit, for when a rabbit lays an egg she knoweth not if the egg is full of promise, or destined to be dashed to pieces in the frying pan. But Lord, cried Peter of Cottontail, is not the rabbit a mammal which gives birth to their young without eggs? The lord looked upon Peter with scorn and shouted: Oh, I’m sorry, was it YOU that created the Heavens and the Earth? Didst THOU exist at the very beginning with the Father? Art thou Alpha and Omega and so on and so on? And Peter was filled with shame.
Anyway, like I was saying, Rabbits lay eggs and that’s very much like the Kingdom of Heaven. The disciples looked rather confused. Seeing this the lord spake unto them anew saying: Yeah, because they are pure and white, like Heaven. Also they are oblong and filled with goo– look, I don’t know how I could be more plain about this. Seeing their confusion, the Lord despaired crying to the Heavens: Oh, this generation of morons! Oh how they fail to see the truth when it is laid so plainly before them!
I give unto you a parable. If a man has an egg and it is plain and white, and he brings it to me I will make it colorful beyond measure. If he bring it not to me, then the egg that he has shall be cast aside the fire to be made an omelet for the devil, and there shall be no colorful dyes or glitter of any sort for him. He who has ears to hear, let him hear. Blessed be he that brings his eggs to me, for I shall dwell in him and make his egg flamboyant.
Mormon General Conference again?
I’m sure you’ve all been dying to know. Fortunately we found a pamphlet in a Chinese restaurant that explains everything.
Ready to learn enough to diagnose your friends and family?